#TBT

Since it's Thursday and I wanna throwback and tell you what exactly happened to me. Instead of being vague and saying I was bullied I want to go into detail. Middle school is where girls try to find where they belong. They climb on each other, pulling hair, scratching each others eyes out. (Not literally) They talk crap as well as gossip. Does that honestly make them feel better? I kill with kindness and they didn't like how that would effect them, so the words flew out by one give following my many in a domino effect. Day, weeks, months after coming home and crying, I was asked to scoot down at the lunch table. I said I couldn't because there was ketchup a foot away from where I was sitting. I was asked over and over to scoot over the the fact where they physically moved my tray. I grabbed it, I got up and I left to another group of girls holding back a wall of tears. They asked me what was wrong and that is when the walls blew up and I just began to sob. Long story short that group I newly sat by, fought over who was better friends with me and would create unnecessary drama about the most stupid stuff. I made the decision to once again move and this group would never invite me anywhere and I had to invite myself. Again I moved. I didn't fully belong in this group, I changed to be weirder to fit in. So during the long summer the main girl that influenced the bullying. So somehow I slipped back in to the "popular" group. All though seventh grade it was little fights now an then. This summer a rumor spread saying that I called them followers. And they got mad at me. Harassing me on ask.fm asking over and over questions that a person should never have to answer. I began to go back into a state of crying often and it just felt things were getting worse. I began to talk to other girls starting new friendships. I thought that maybe it could get better, an it did. I surround myself with positive people and eventually my best friend wanted to solve issues. Some of the girls said stuff that changes how they see them, and how I feel about them, I'm still cautious. But I remain civil because if they want to act nice I'm not going to stop them. I don't always do activities with them and I turn a lot of events down. But despite the fact the hurt me over and over again I wanna be the cup half full girl so I let anything good and positive into my life. 

Do You Know How That Feels?

     My name is Sarah, I'm going into eighth grade. I'm different then most people. I understand others even without knowing them fully. I try my hardest not to let sin roll off the tongue and to look at the world from others' points of view. It doesn't mean that I don't make my mistakes, as well as talk about others. I'm not perfect and I know that I'm not, my flaws make me the person I'm glad to be. I'm mature in some aspects of life, but I also can be very kiddish and sometimes a pain in the rear end. Despite the fact that I'm different from others, I'm also very similar. I relate to many and talk to anyone willing to make conversation. I smile and laugh ALL the time, but I sometimes hide that I'm very down about myself. My past has been rough, but so will my future, life is battle that you start fighting since day one, you just can't ever quit until the moment is right. My sixth grade year shaped me the most. Although I don't remember it as clearly as I should. I blocked out even the good memories hoping to forget about what happened to me. Even bad years still, will forever be part of your life.
 
     It may not seem like a pretty, smart girl like me would be bullied, but God only puts people through what they can handle, so I know I will overcome ever obstacle. Bullying isn't cool, but society has a lot of it. We can't just say society is messed up, when we are all what society is. I was called anorexic, fat (even though they are complete opposites), fake, etc. Even though I know none of those words described me, they still found a way to bug me, everyday. Rumors are so powerful that when even the most ridiculous thing is shared, people want to believe it so they spread it, its a spiral affect that can effect how someone acts or thinks about themselves. No matter if the rumor is true or not it gets to your head so much that you too, believe it. People need to understand that what they are doing really does kill. Even the smallest thing can have a big effect on someone. So ask yourself when you tell the whole grade someone eats Spam everyday, or share someones crush to the whole lunch table. I know how it feels, ask yourself, do you?